AT LONG LAST!!

On March the 29th this year i finally got a diagnosis for all of the pain i have been suffering for the past four years and for the anxiety and panic attacks i have been suffering. My GP referred me to a rheumatologist this was after she diagnosed me with Costochondritis. The rheumatologist has told me that i have Fibromyalgia which i will suffer with the rest of my life but at least i can deal with life now because now i at least know what i am dealing with :)

Counselling what a joke

I was to attend a 6 week CBT group in a town not far from me which proved to be an expensive jpurney as i had to get a taxi there and back because of my anxiety. First week i yawned my way through it because i thought that it was just a lets get to know everyone in the group, so next week off i trotted again only this week a woman cried her way through the group and a man slept his way through. I felt worse going to it than i did not going to it so i decided enough was enough and went back to my GP who was happy enough for me not to attend the group!! I had picked up a few tips from the group and i have done loads of research online so i know the best way to get better is to think positive thoughts and get rid of the negative ones howeve getting rid of the negative thoughts is harder than it seems but i am getting there!!

My Mum

My mum passed away on the 6.6.06 we found out around 5 weeks before she passed away that she had cancer of the liver and pancreas and there was no cure she was in and out of the hospice quite regularly, we managed to get up to visit her 10 days before she passed and we were supposed to be returning to Scotland the da she passed away however she didn't want to hold on for us getting there and passed away in the early hours with my sister by her side. I was always a mummy's girl but moved to Nottingham in 2002 with the kids which still to this day is a move i do not regret by any means. Her funeral was lovely lots of people turned out for it as she was very popular we stayed up there for a few das then returned back to Notts on the understanding we would return the following weekend to empty the house which was extremely hard...am telling you all this because i think my mum passing was the start of how i was later going to be feeling!!

First Panic Attack

The first one i can remember was when i still lived at home with my mum if i remember rightly i didn't have any of the kids and i was just sitting in the living room doing nothing...maybe i was pregnant with my eldest at the time and didn't realise anyhow i just felt this horrible feeling come over me like i couldn't breathe and my heart was about to burst out my chest, hot sweats and dizzyness followed all i wanted was to get out the house. I ran to the front door and just stood gasping for breathe hanging over the railings. That was the first of many to come however i have always coped with them as they never got any worse than that one and when i realised i wasn't going to die i coped. After i had the kids they didn't seem to be around to often maybe because i had something to preoccupy my time and didnt have time to worry about anything.

The Start Of A New Blog

Well where to start, maybe by just introducing myself first i think. I am Carol i am a single mum to five lovely children well i say children my eldest is nearly 20 and lives with her boyfriend and then i have an 18yr old a 13yr old and twins who have recently turned 8. I seperated in February this year after 7 yrs of marriage and after moving 300 miles to be with him.


I thought i was coping alright with the split but have since found things don't always work out that way. I may look ok on the outside but inside i have been fighting a volcano ready to errupt and errupt without to much warning. PANIC/ANXIETY ATTACKS have always been part of my life for as long as i can remember but recently they have gotten worse and i am now on medication and awaiting an appointment to go and see a councillor.

If it is ok with you all i would like to share how i get on in this blog!!